The Lisa Simpson Syndrome

I urge you, devotees, to check out Don Mills' Failure to Launch on his blog The Thirtysomething Curmudgeon Strikes Back. He has some great points about what does and doesn't matter to him in a device, and how the iPad is showing that Apple is a little too much a slave to its niche. But read mine first. And try to guess where "The Lisa Simpson Syndrome" comes from. There are bonus points available also, but I won't tell you how.

Update below

And Another Update After That

I'm sitting in front of my iMac, which I bought after my beloved Dell (which I used to own stock in, thank you very much) basically went all China Syndrome on me. My iTunes is downloading my podcasts, and then I'll plug in my iPhone and update my apps. My iPod, the third one I've had, sits nearby but it doesn't need to be synced because I did so last night. My wife's iPhone is plugged into the wall, and rests on her night-table as it is her alarm for tomorrow. My MacBook Pro is in the living room, charging, sitting on the area under the tv where one day our AppleTV may go, if we ever get a hi-def TV.

So yeah, I kinda like Apple products.

I was really anxious for the tablet, released today as the iPad. This had to be the worst kept secret in the industry. But as we got closer and closer to the release date, ne question kept nagging at me and nagging at me: How will I use this?

I followed along with the demo. I was really impressed by a lot of the interface elements that were being introduced, like drop down menus, and two-pane views. But I kept thinking, How will I use this? and the answer kept coming back to me: You won't.

I'm an analyst, and one of the big parts of that job is understanding the need for something. Before you can figure out a solution, you have to define the need or the reason you are doing this. "Everyone wants the ability to fax from our site" (to make up an example out of whole cloth) is not a need. "We need to have the ability to fax from out site because almost all of our clients run fax machine repair businesses, and what's the point of sending out communication if they don't have a fax?" is a Need. If you just draft a solution without understanding a need, well, you might create something nice, but you won't create anything truly useful (The rare exception to this is, ironically, the original iPod).

As I watched the demo I looked at the cool interface. That's lovely, look how full featured the email is. It's almost as good as running it on a....laptop. Which I have. Right here. This is where I raised my Spockian eyebrow: This really isn't anything new, or even an improvement on what exists. It's just a different way to do it.

Ahhh, but this device is mobile. Now, imagine being able to write all this stuff on the subway. True, that's a very good point. Except...well..look at how Steve is sitting, in a club chair, legs crossed, typing on a flat surface that's at an angle. I'm NEVER like that on a subway.

But it's a nice big screen. It's all screen. Yes, it is. And it also has what appear to be ungainly dimensions. My Kindle, which fits very nicely in my small man purse I MEAN messenger bag is just the right size to carry along with my lunch and sundries, and fits comfortably in my hand as I read.

But for me the greatest insult was Wi-Fi and 3G connectivity. I expected both, but I did not expect that (1) there would be a premium for 3G and (2) I'd still have to buy an additional data package. This is a dealbreaker, ladies!

I pay a good, not unattractive penny to Rogers for a data plan for my iPhone, and I've never come close to using the full amount of data that I buy for that. And I'm expected to pay MORE if I want to use the iPad outside of my house? Why would I not just tether with my iPhone to my laptop, which can do more than the iPad, has the keyboard in a logical place for working, and can multitask?

So fine, I save a little bit and get the Wi-Fi only model. So basically, it's stuck at home...where I already have my MacBook, my iMac, two iPhones and possibly an AppleTV, all of which can do the same as the iPad, only better.

Sure, there's the e-reader capability. Now maybe I'm a little bit overly impressed by my Kindle, but the dimensions on it are perfect for reading. The e-ink is easy on my eyes and the screen is always crisp and clean. I've tried reading on my iPhone, and let's forget the size of the screen, but the glare from the glass and fingerprints are a distraction. Yes, colour will be a great advantage for some people, but in the end like the Kindle you're still going to be stuck buying books from a single source.

Also my Kindle? Doesn't cost me to go online and get books. The 3G is built in and yes I'm subsiding it with the amount I pay for the hardware and books, but this is an invisible cost. Plus I've had it since New Year's Eve and charged it exactly once, and I read about two to three hours a day.

There are times when working around the house, or when we're out and about, that my wife or I will pull out our iPhones to check something, schedule an activity, make a purchase, talk to someone, or just look for some quick entertainment. This still amazes us, that this little machine, which fits in the palm of our hand, can do all of this and that it has seamlessly integrated itself into our lives.

Every time I look at one of the features of the iPad and start to get excited about it, the analyst in me goes "That Need is already met by something you already have."

Damn.

I think tablets are the future, but they have to provide some type of greater power and integration. When I think of the tablet I think of those sci-fi shows where someone pulls one out and controls their TV, their windows, their home, and their lives from it. It's something that syncs naturally with a cloud, not something that provides a gloss over existing activities.

It's a shame. I want to like the iPad, but I have to say that right now, at first blush, it looks like the answer to a questions that nobody asked.

Updated

According to the Globe and Mail today (January 28th), the iPad will be sold in Canada unlocked. At first I thought that this would negate my complaint about having to buy a new data plan. But then I realized: I would have to take my SIM out of my phone and put it in the iPad, thereby negating any use I could get out of my phone.

Also, I know this is version 1 of a new product, and people keep talking about the limitations of the first version of the iPhone. Well, the problem with that is that we're now many years later, and I would expect the iPad to pick up where the iPhone left off. Instead, all they've done is make a great proof of concept for a device.

And Another Update

1) 52 Weeks of UX, a great tumblr to follow, posits like Colin does in my comments that perhaps the more "technical" people are not the intended audience. They use the mythical "parents", which is keyword for people who want to use computers but don't want to worry about really advanced function. That's a noble calling, and I agree that might be it. But to get the most of our it you'd STILL need a wireless network and desktop computer. If they've already installed a wireless network then chances are they already have a laptop. If they haven't, then they're going to see the price tag $500 + a wireless router + setting it up and balk.

2) It's in the comments, but I'll post it here: What I saw when I imagined the iPad:

1. AppleTV gains PVR capabilities
2. Recordings synced with iTunes
3. iTunes syncs with MobileMe, using LaLa (which was bought by Apple)
4. iPad has built in 3G connectivity, but only to MobileMe (all other connectivity is at a cost)
5. Basically, we have the Apple Slingbox, but integrated into my entire media library

Hopefully future versions will move closer to this.